You are worthy. I am worthy.
Have you ever had something hanging over you for so long? A project that you are working on secretly. Something that has been speaking to your heart so hard, for so long, and yet you wait. You hold back, because of fear.
FEAR. I believe it is the worst four letter word in my vocabulary. It seemed to have this hold on me. Preventing me from sharing. Preventing me from being authentic. Preventing me from being vulnerable.
VULNERABILITY. Meriam- Webster Dictionary defines vulnerable as:
Full Definition of vulnerable
1: capable of being physically or emotionally wounded
2: open to attack or damage : assailable <vulnerable to criticism>
3: liable to increased penalties but entitled to increased bonuses after winning a game in contract bridge
Well, that doesn't sound super pleasant. However, have you seen Brene Brown's TED talk on vulnerability? You can see it HERE. I watched it for the first time probably five years ago. Vulnerability has haunted me since. I couldn't understand it. I could NOT understand what this word meant.
"In order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to really be seen."
"Those who have a strong sense of love and belonging, believe they are worthy of it."
"The willingness to do something where there are no guarantees."
I thought I was doing all of these things. Then about a year ago, I realized I wasn't. I was numb. I was pretending. I was doing the opposite of vulnerable. I was pretending for others. I was doing for others. I could NOT understand vulnerability because I had wanted nothing to do with vulnerability.
Enter the deep desire to know that I have a purpose. That I have a purpose in this life. That there were things I was missing. That my true self was wanting to be revealed.
Enter the deep buring desire to, "Shine my light, (the light given to me by God, the Creator, the Universe), so bright that it inspires others to discover their own light and shine it bright."
Enter FEAR.
Enter the desire for CLARITY.
Enter FEAR.
Enter the desire to pull out my AUTHENTICITY.
Enter FEAR.
Enter this desire to help people learn about health of mind, body, spirit through my light and love.
Enter FEAR.
Enter these goals:
~To find my true authentic voice, and stand in confidence knowing that by sharing that voice, my light from with shines brightly, standing fully in my power.
~To connect to my higher self and receive clarity to dream and go bigger. To step into my calling and true light.
~To explore and tap into and reveal my true gifts from within.
The battle has been crazy. A crazy ongoing battle.
Then, enter the last three months. They have been spent exploring and gaining courage to actively pursue my goals. (With A LOT of help!)
Then, last night happened. I was invited to attend an amazing event all about health. Inside of me something crept up. This unexplained burning and anger. This passion. This spark. I became infuriated with myself for holding back for so long, the knowledge and passion I have, out of fear. In that instant, I felt it burn up. The passion came in and burnt up the fear. Gone. Because there was a clear mission and realization. (As I type this, I JUST realized how crazy ironic my meditation was from yesterday afternoon!)
So, here I am. I am so thankful to be here now. I cannot wait to see where this leads. Here is to vulnerability. Because I am worthy, and so are you.